eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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