finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
