Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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