he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
