You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize