Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
