Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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