Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Randomize
