fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Randomize
