And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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