everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
