Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
