I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
