Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
