Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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