I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
