Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
