maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
