Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
