You can't special order awesome
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize