There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
