Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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