Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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