It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
