ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
No subtext here. People are naked.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
