cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
