I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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