He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
