We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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