I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
