is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
