there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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