I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
