so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
