At least make sure they are 18
Why
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
