I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
