We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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