Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
jump out the window naked night went bad
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
