we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Girls should come with a carfax report
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
