you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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