The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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