You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My first STD was from a foam party
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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