He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
