that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
