Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
