I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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