Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
