That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
