Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
