Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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