she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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