The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
