PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
