it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We need a shit load of segways right now
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
