you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
