so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
