party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
