I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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