Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
