my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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