If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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