id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
