I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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