Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
