you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
