What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
