my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
