Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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