I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize