y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
