Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
