Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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